called out

I totally got called out. Malcolm and I like to hit the spaghetti factory on thursdays since they give this curry soup we love.  It's pretty much the only lunch we leave the office for. I'm packed in the carby goodness that was my cheesy spaghetti, had my scoop of ice cream and paid the check. Me: "I want this pen..." It wrote so nice, not like the crappy bic's and such we have at the office. Zoink!   In my pocket it went.  And if you know me, I'm not a very sneaky person.  I'm pretty obvious about such things.  I wanted it...  and that's all there is too it. We're leaving and the waitress comes back to the table for one last collection while we put on our coats and leave.  From behind I hear, "Hey, did you steal my pen!!!" Yes, yes I did. So I feel my pockets not remembering which of the cargo short pockets it went into. "Oh, maybe you didn't.." she admitted. "No, here it is!"   I gave it to her and held my smirk and laugh until I was out the door. Malcolm laughed, "You totally got called out." "But I really wanted that pen!"  *pout* Why do the crappy pens with doctor advertisements always write the best?

Why I hate working in Seattle

Today we received a notice that are parking price in the downstairs garage is going up again.  They jacked the price up to over $200/mo.

While I enjoy the luxury of being able to park AT work.. I'm not going to let them continue raping my wallet... that's for boys that are much much much prettier.   To top it off I never get a parking spot as it is.  They over book and the valet has to move my car around all day since there are no open spots.  I guess I assumed when I purchased a spot, I'd actually HAVE a spot when I got here.

So I ordered an electric bicycle and am going to begin biking it to work.  Which will be awesome after all the bitching I've done over the last year about bicyclists.

I went with this tricycle, I'm thinking of painting it pink and putting hello kitties all over it... maybe a white plastic basket with one of those overly fake white flowers stuck to it... oh and don't forget the streamers off the handles..woot woot!  I'll make sure to wear my best leather biking gear to top off the look.

 

 

I know I could have just hit the local bike shop and probably have been okay with a standard bike, but let's face it...I'm fat and need help up hills :P   

It should be here next Wednesday.

estimation

So the estimator showed up and I took him into the underground parking to show him the car.  He took his pictures, we chatted, and he's estimating around $1500 in damage was done last weekend.  Small long scratches, but deep and all the doors will have to be repainted.

Have I mentioned how much I hate people?

i am one of the lucky ones

A big thanks to bcbud for pointing this out to me this morning.  The insurance lady says I'm one of the lucky ones :)

More than 170 cars keyed in Burnaby and Coquitlam

i want i want i want

dieting is good, but there are so many things I'd kill for.  for the most part i don't even care to eat anymore and tend to force myself to eat my meals.  eating has become a chore and has lost all joy.

But there are moments, like now, I'd do anything for something bad.

I want....

 

a whopper with heavy cheese no pickles

sausage egg and cheese biscuit/croissant sammiches

a bagel smothered in cream cheese

a stuffed crust cheese pizza

a giant polish sausage from sam's club/cost co.

a hot fudge sundae

fried tortellini in butter

potato and bacon pierogi with sour cream

and most of all...   lattes.

 

 

and yes, i realize this post is going to spawn a million comments on how i can have any of those things in moderation.  i've heard it all before. blah blah blah.  i'm incapable of that though, so i'm not even going down that road. 

do you ever

do you ever wake up and your bed is the perfect temperature and no matter how you turn you perfectly comfortable?

yeah, it was nice.

stoopid stoopid stoopid work made me get up and wreck the whole experience.

they pay me so they're only partially stupid.   my love/need for money outweighs the perfect cozy bed experience.

i love you work :o)  give me money!

sobe says so, so it must be true

Written entry

dream: butt baby

Last night I dreamt I was pregnant with a butt baby (obviously since I don't have woman parts :P).  I walked around and friends would all feel my tummy and you could easily feel the baby's head like it was just on the other side of the skin.  It was gross but everyone was going ga-ga over it and were so happy about it.  Part of me kept expecting for an Aliens moment and it would break through my skin and start eating people.  It never did though. I went into a bathroom and a midwife followed me in and was chatting me up while I was waiting on the toilet.  Suddenly it felt like the worst gas of my life and I totally sharted the baby out in one quick push. The midwife dug the baby out and cleaned it up.  It was an ugly baby, but it just came out of my butt, so what did I expect?  I dragged it around and showed it to everyone and eventually put it down for a nap. And then it was like it never happened.

cheating, but not really

Last night was a first in many ways.  It was the first night I ate anything off my diet and the first time I've had ramen not from one of those little dried packets of nastiness in the store.

It was amazing.  I didn't know it was so good!  I am so glad I agreed to go with my project manager after we reviewed my recent project.

nom nom nom x100.

and after that I was freaking out that i didn't stick with my diet... only to wake up and have lost 2 more pounds.

That's right ho's... 9lbs, 1 week.

So I emailed the project manager this morning and said "I want more Ramen", heh.

i wish they'd do something

Coworker: Doesn't it hurt your head when she talks and talks and doesn't shut up?
Coworker: My head just got really fuzzy
Me: my muscles get really tight like i have take a big poo
Me: and her laugh makes me want to cry

why is it

 

Why is it right when you start a diet is are miles and miles of food being shoved your way?  Rachel is amazed at my willpower so far, but I might crack at some point if this continues.

Wednesday.. diet started
Thursday.. pizza party at work
Friday.. lunch provided at work, boxes of cookies being passed aro8nd, boxes and boxes of girl scout cookies at home.
Saturday.. Pizza birthday party (thanks for letting me sneak in Mo!)
Sunday.. Breakfast brunch
Monday.. Red Robin provided by work

Seriously, why wasn't there any warning on this stuff? 

And yes, I could totally have something from these events, but I know how I am.  I'm all or nothing.  Once I deviate even a little it'll be a fast blazing crash back to whatever-goes in fatty town.

you know what sucks

you know what sucks?

when your trying to be really good on your diet and then they call an all employee meeting and serve pizza to everyone.  there I am, hundreds of people scarfing pizza, and all I can think is that I have a nice carrot upstairs at my desk...mmm.. carrot.  *hork*.

and then, to top it off, they bring pizza back up into each department.  so a delicious looking pizza is sitting on the other side of the wall.

i've been craving pizza for days. this isn't helping.

die.... et

Started dieting yesterday.  It sucks.

I eat my servings and still hungry.   I know it'll get easier after a few days, it just sucks for now.

I don't remember having this much trouble the last time I did it, it was actually pretty easy.  For some reason this time I'm just starving all the time, ugh.  DAMN YOU PORTION CONTROL!

 

Me: "Malcolm... this is not a cheesy stuffed pizza."
Malcolm: "No, that's a carrot."
Me: "THIS is not a cheesy stuffed pizza."
Malcolm: "No, that's a carrot.... Daniel, why do you have to do dirty things to the carrot..."

*giggle*

no mo fo me

So I finished my review today. My boss had given me my review last week so I already knew it was a glowing 6 month report.  It wasn't until today that he came back from his trip and we could talk face to face about it.

Really all I wanted to know was what the raise would be.  I mean, I already read the report, there's not a whole lot left to know.  Everyone kept telling me I'd get a raise, especially with my great review.  My coworker even told me: "You're the golden boy, of course you'll get a raise."  So I was excited.  I'm ready to go out and celebrate tonight.

 

.....

 

oops sorry, someone had to tell me about their weight issues.

 

Any....way  *shakes it off*..  back to my story.

So yah, I think you can tell where this is going.  I got nothing. Zero.  zip.  zilch.   I guess I'm ready at the top of (or over) my pay grade so nothing can really be done.   So much for celebrating.

*bummed*

Oh yeah, and thanks to everyone who got my hopes up.  *beats you all*.

best i could do

best i could do for the lunar eclipse with the equipment i have.

someday i'll get a better lense.

dont let me tell stories

“

So speaking of chickens, I was reading this really funny article today.  It was about this guy who came home really really drunk and.... oh wait, it's not funny, nevermind.

”

self anal-ysis

Tomorrow is my 6 month mark at my company.  As part of the 6 month review I have to fill out a self analysis.  Four simple questions, or so I thought.  I took a peek at one of my co-workers recent submissions and it was pages long.  They didn't want the quick and dirty, they want the full analysis.  So I took an hour and a half this morning to fill it out.   I'm hoping it's satisfactory.

I'm nervous.  I haven't heard any complaints and don't think I have anything at all to worry about.  At the same time I really don't want to here anything negative even if it's just for self improvement purposes.

People should just tell me I'm pretty, smile, and leave it at that.  Right?  :P

On the upside, it's time for a raise... I think.  Or at least that's what I am being told by co-workers.

I'd rather let them keep it than be critiqued.

oy oy oy.

2 more nights

2 more nights of leaky air mattress horror.  

Sunday morning I took off and bought a $600 piece of luxurious softness to sleep on, but it won't be delivered until Wednesday.  It wasn't the foam one I went out to find because of some bills that came up unexpectedly, but this one will make me just as happy.  And on top of it all they haul my old-lumpy-back-hurting mattress away for free, which after checking how much it is to haul away one of those things, is a pretty darn good deal.

2 more nights...I can do it....I think... maybe.   well I guess I have too, don't I?

What I hate about I.T.

I'm realizing how much it can suck to work in I.T.  Not that it has changed over my career so far, it's just starting to wear me down a little bit though.

I go into these teleconferences and meeting as the tech advisor and always walk out with a huge list of to-do's.  The thing I hate is that I'm the only one who usually walks out with any work.  Everyone else is marketing or designers and anyone else who dreams big but can't do any of the actual execution.

My teleconference on Tuesday ended with them sending out an assignment list of things to accomplish this quarter.

Me: "Umm, I have to say I'm feeling a bit picked on right now"
Woman: "Why do you say that?"
Me: "My name is on everyone of these assignments..."

and all the callers laugh.

evidently no one else is capable of doing anything in our group :P

I'm not complaining.  I mean I took the job, right?  It still sucks though, especially when 20 groups of people are all looking at you to work on their list.

Some day I'll crack.

sometimes i hide

and sometimes i want to kill people.

oh so sleeeepy

Really didn't sleep this weekend and came in late last night.  I'm very much a zombie today and no amount of coffee will ever save me at this point.

Someone put me to bed.

One of my co-workers has discovered my blog and has been raving about it...  and for that, I say..

 

SHYLAH SHYLAH YOU SO FINE

YOU SO FINE YOU BLOW MY MIND

HEY SHYLAH! da da da.. HEY SHYLAH!

if I had the energy I'd probably even do a little dance for her, but I think she'll be grateful that I do not.

Now just about everyone in the office reads it.  I may have to actually worry about what I write at some point...  at some point.  maybe.  but probably not.  everyone knows I speak my mind pretty damn freely and I don't really see that ever changing.

 

peas out.

I say when I go home

 

Dear Journal,

I am sick of hearing everyone whine at me that I should go home when I have a sniffle or cough.  I am the only one that decides when I should go home... well, me or my boss, who is on vacation, so really just me.

If I stayed home every time I felt a little down I would never be at work!!  With sinus' like mine I'd be doomed.

As part of my revenge I stayed late as usual and then walked around and coughed on everyone's keyboard and mouse.  If that wasn't evil enough, I licked a few mugs as well.

Take THAT!

 

Bitterness incarnate,

Daniel

da duh DUH da DUH!!!

Let's face it, we all know I'm perfect.  However, my perfection slipped a few minutes ago and I had a very stupid moment.

I was complaining to Malcolm that my keyboard wasn't working.  He walked over and I tried to show him, but of course when someone is looking it works perfectly.  Before he looked the cntl, alt, space and number pad wouldn't work.

So I decide I'm going to ask the department manager to sign off on a new keyboard since my boss is out of town and my keyboard was driving me nuts.  On the way, I stop in the supply room and ask Andrew if we have any laying around.  I told him the problem and he was like, "it's a wireless keyboard?" and i'm like "yup".  "Did you try new batteries?"

And I just hung my head and muttered "I thought it worked on magic..."

so so dumb.

my mommy made me a valentines card

she always sends me these awesome hand-made cards she created.

Ive been sick

I've been sick and since I haven't posted any doodles or anything in a while, I thought I'd illustrate it.  *sniffle*

dear pooper

Dear fellow 5th floor pooper,

It is a well known fact that you always leave your newspaper in the restroom.  Since you are obviously able to walk in with a newspaper in hand, I can only assume this is done as a courtesy to your co-workers and not as a means to avoid embarrassment whilst walking out with one.

I just wanted to say thank you.  I do appreciate having something to read while I visit your floor's restroom.

The purpose of this short letter is to encourage you to read something other than the sport's section.  I personally would rather sing to fill the time than read the latest in sports.   Perhaps you've heard my recent rendition of "I'm poop'n", a parody of Jerry Lee Lewis' song, "I'm Walkin'"?

I will admit that I'm too cheap to purchase a paper for a few minutes of reading each day, but that I am also not above demanding you leave us better materials.

Think of this as a request to do something nice for those who have to hear me sing and squeeze one out.

A thankful but agitated pooper,

Daniel

stuffies

I want to curl up in a blanket on the couch and nom nom nom on comfort food.

like... a stuffed crust cheese pizza.

mmm.

 

i wish.

sick

i'm dying.

i woke up with sneezing fits and haven't stopped coughing or blowing my nose since.

my work trashcan is already half full of tissues.

why is no one babying me?  i'm a pretty pretty princess, damnit!

i just want to go home and pop on lifetime... seems like the thing to do. 

why fat sucks #1: princess jammies

Disney© Princess Flannel Pajama Set

 

Reason #1 why being fat sucks... 

I can't buy these children's princess jammies.  Now if I was a skinnybitch I could probably squeeze into these suckers.

i like doing my own thing

I enjoy doing my own thing more times that not.  I don't like being nagged and I definitely don't like constantly being asked what I'm doing or where I'm going.  I'm very independent and that's how I like things. 

Whenever I try to do my own thing, people harass me to try and do stuff and act like their lives just aren't complete without me going along. That's when I snapped a few minutes ago while being begged to go to lunch.

"I CAN'T FIX YOUR LIVES, OKAY!?"

Malcolm said that was a blog post right there, damn right it was :)

the sad thing

 

The sad thing is that I'm so not hungry now after all that stuff I had this morning.

But lets face it, we all know I'm gonna mow the whole thing anyways.

*hangs head in shame*

fat-tastic

Today I walked in and found a croissant on my desk.  Malcolm walked up and told me that they had a free latte bar downstairs and muffins/croissants/etc waiting.  The barista chick was laughing at me because I already took like 5 mugs of lattes from her so far.

For lunch we are being treated to BBQ as I had mentioned yesterday.  There is a half a rack of ribs coming to my desk in a half hour.

As Malcolm says, this place is fat-tastic.  Although I may switch it to fatty-tastic or fatty-rific, because I like saying 'fatty'.

free lunch tomorrow

so tomorrow we're getting a free lunch from the outpost and we're supposed look over the menu and put our order on the list, but not go overboard on price.

Me:  *shouting*  Can I have ribs??
Malcolm's boss: How much is it?
Me: $12!!
Malcolm's boss: Permission granted.

....

Me: Can I have the 4lb family feast??

And the office laughs.... I need to remember to aim high and work my way down :P

shopping itch

In last few days I've had this horrible itch to shop and buy expensive things.

There's just so much out there lately that I want right!

But the checking account say NO.

So I must say sorry to those new shoes, sorry new laptop, sorry camera lenses, sorry new gadgets... sorry sorry sorry to all my wants.

I will pine for you all my days...   :P~

its a crappy day

Overslept

running late

No time to buy latte

no parking spots in garage

email is overflowing with issues

and when I get to the kitchen at work I see this.

Does it get any worse?

 

I really need a present today.

jabba exists

So the other day my passport arrived.  It proved to be as horrible as I had anticipated.  As soon as I opened the little booklet I slammed it shut, put it back in the envelope it came in and tucked it away in my man bag.

I'm just going to pretend it doesn't exist for a while.

If and when I decide it does exist, it'll be a private little joke between the boarder guard and I.

Don't ask about it, it does not exist, nor will it ever.

im funny - training

Malcolm: DrunkenMaster says: Daniels Blog is comedy gold
Me: drunken master?
Malcolm: Tim
Me: lol
Me: it's comedy gold, eh?
Malcolm: kind of like a golden shower but funnier

 

So... I guess my coworkers find my blog amusing at least.

In other news, I spent all morning in introductory training where they tell us about the company we've been working for.  At one point I was late returning from a break by like a whole minute and was pointed out and told I'd have to sing and dance for the group.   I prepared to sing "I'm a little teapot", however twinkle twinkle was requested during a demonstration.

The rest of the time I spent grinding my teeth and wanting to cut a b*tch for talking constantly through the whole thing.  granted it was very relaxing, but seriously, take a breath.  At least I sat next to Nate who gave enough distraction for me not to act on any impulses.

Malcolm is a jackass

So Malcolm got a gift card from work for cost co.  He dangled it in front of me knowing that I'd want it.  So I grab for it and he rips it away.

"GIMME!", I say.

He said no an that it was his.

"But I Waaaaant it."  *pouty face*

He walks away.

"jackass..." I mutter under my breath.

"What?!"

Does he not realize I always get what I want.   What's wrong with him.  hrmph!

whoever

Whoever buys me one of these massage chairs will have my loves forever.  totally cerial :P

 

Eggplant chair from sharper image...
http://www.sharperimage.com/us/en/catalog/product/sku__HW573ORN

 

or the one on my wish list...

roadside bitterness

Dear reader,

Have I ever mentioned that I am not mechanically inclined in any way?  No?  Well let me tell you about last Thursday night.

I had recently opened an account with BECU and needed to make a deposit to the account so it wouldn't be closed right away.  Armed with a check I headed to an ATM on the way home with was a mile past my house. Not two blocks from the ATM I hit an enormous pot hole and begin hearing a hissing sound.  At first I was like "it's raining out, why is someone using a sprinkler?"  And then it dawned on me shortly after the grinding sound began to occur that my tire was flat. 

I rolled into the parking lot of a 7-eleven and looked at what I did.

I never changed a tire on a car and really wished my first time wasn't in the rain, but whatever, I'll give it my best shot.  I took off the hub cap and loosened the tire before raising it... all as my user manual told me to do (yes, I'm that useless when it comes to cars).

I began raising the car with the jack.  It was so hard it was taking all my effort to turn the crappy little jack's crank.  And then I heard a rip.   Yes, dear reader, I totally split my jeans wide open and my ass was hanging out for the world to see.  I wrapped a jacket around my waist and continued.

I took the tire off....  rolled the spare to the front of the car and began rolling the slat the back when heard a horrible noise clunk.

Yep, the jack broke and my car fell pinning the spare.  I told myself right then if the spare was punctured I'd scream and then probably cry.  Walking back it appeared to be fine but there was no way to be sure until I got the car up again.

I called Malcolm and asked if he could bring the jack from his car.   A bit later he shows up and I try lifting the car as hard as I could so that he could get the jack under the car.  Took a bit of work but we got it.

So Malcolm works on jacking the car up and gets it to the point where I can almost get the new tire on....when, of course, his jack bends in half and the car is back on the ground.  I guess it was too much of an angle.

And then, I wanted to cry.

After a few calls the tow guy shows up and uses several jacks to get my car off the ground and puts the tire on for me.

The lesson learned... if your not mechanically inclined then save your time, effort and pants and call the tow guy.

the end.

and the monkey pushes the button

I am a friggin' monkey today.

Repetitive tedious work.  Copy, paste...copy, paste, copy...paste.

at least i have my headsets on and can zone through almost all of it.

i miss having an evil minion to pass this crap too.